depressedSuicidal thoughts went through my head a couple of time, but quickly departed. Those that I have sent emails to know that suicide is not an option anymore for me, so I'm not really worried about doing anything stupid like that. I do get suicidal sometimes, but that is something that I have had to
I was crying non stop from around 4:30 PM to 10:30 PM when I finally fell asleep. I had to take my sleeping pills last night so I could sleep. Before I went to bed I tried to get back online and started up my chat clients, but I just wasn't feeling well enough to actually continue to chat. Sorry again Matt, for ending our chat so quickly.
It was actually the thought of all my LJ friends that helped me hold on last night. I will thank you individually for your support. Right now, I'd like to say thank you to all. Your comments DID help. I'd also like to give a special thanks to Sooz for your text message. This message as well as the last one came when I needed them the most.
I realized this morning, that shutting off the world is not going to help at all. I might not feel comfortable talking, but isolation is not the answer.
I was feeling a little better as soon as I woke up, but the tears are back again. I didn't know I had that much water in me. My next appointment to see my Doctor is Thursday. I will let him know that this med combo is NOT working.
I have to go to a birthday party this afternoon for my nephew. I am dreading this like the plague. But there is no way I can tell a four year old, that I just don't feel like being around people right now. It will take all my strength and will power to get through this afternoon.
