Gregory Sare Landolt (gregoid) wrote,
Gregory Sare Landolt

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The Good and The Bad

I'm bouncing like a rubber ball and not in a good way either. There have been so many good things that have happened today that had me jumping for joy: princeargon being back on LJ, D calling me on my cell phone, chatting with an online buddy on the phone, weighing myself and realizing that I have lost 40 pounds so far, and buying two new shirts. Even with all those good things happening today, the death of Cosmo keeps coming back hitting me like a ton a bricks.

Damn! Damn! Damn! This Sux!

Why can't I just hold on to the happy memories of him and let the other crap go. I still see him falling out of that crane. I wasn't even there! That didn't seem to stop my mind from creating that scene which endlessly plays over and over in my head. I can hear his laughter as if he were in the same room. I can hear his voice clear as a bell. I can clearly see his face in my mind. Yet, those memories fade for a bit and are replaced by a non-real , self-created video that tortures my soul and tears at my heart.

I want to be happy. I want to remember the good things about Cos. I don't want to see these bad images anymore. I just want them to STOP!!!

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