- Your potted plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
- Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
- You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
- 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
- You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
- Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup.
- You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
- Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
- You're the one calling the police because those darn kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo.
- Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
- You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
- Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
- You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.
- Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
- You no longer take naps from noon to 6:00 PM.
- Dinner and a movie ... the WHOLE date instead of the beginning of one.
- Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3:00 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
- You go to the drugstore for ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
- A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
- You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
- "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
- Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
- You don't drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
- You read this entire list looking for one sign that doesn't apply to you.
You know you're getting older when...
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