Gregory Sare Landolt (gregoid) wrote,
Gregory Sare Landolt
gregoid

  • Mood:

I Am Alive!

I have been crying all day. The smallest of things would set me off. I was crying because I was happy. I was crying because I was sad. I was crying for no apparent reason at all. I just thought I was being moody, but that's not why at all. I know this is going to sound very strange, but I just realized that...
I AM ALIVE!!!!!
Let me explain. Beginning in April of 1991, I stopped living my life and started just existing. Before April, I truly enjoyed life. I embraced the good parts as well as the bad parts. I was very spontaneous. I would be walking with a group of friends and I would suddenly do a cartwheel, much to the embarrassment of my friends. I would usually do a cartwheel when there were a lot of people around, like in a mall or similar setting. I did it for the surprise and shock value more than anything else. I loved to keep everyone on their toes and left them wondering what I'd do next. Practical jokes were something else that I loved. I loved both giving and receiving, as long as nobody got hurt.

I had hopes, dreams, and fantasies. I stood up for what I believed in, even if I was wrong. I hated it when I was proved wrong, but never too proud or stubborn to accept facts. I didn't put too much value on first impressions, as they often turned out to be incorrect. I always gave people and ideas a second try, so as not to miss out on things. If I went by first impressions, I would have never met a very close friend of mine. He came off as an arrogant, opinionated, jerk when I first met him. I later fell in love with him.

Most of that ceased after April of 1991. The only thing that I kept was not trusting first impressions. I let my hopes, dreams, and fantasies die. I was no longer spontaneous and didn't participate in practical jokes. I no longer embraced life. I just existed.

Well, tonight I came to the realization that I am alive once again. I'm not sure when it started, but the last of the pieces feel into place tonight. I can't explain exactly how I know or the overwhelming emotions that I'm feeling at this moment. All I can say at this time is that I feel exactly like I did before April of 1991.

I feel FREE!!!! Funny thing is that I'm not manic. This is a completely different feeling. I don't feel content when I'm manic and right now I am experiencing inner peace. I almost forgot what this feels like.

Life, bring it on. I'm ready for ya.
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 5 comments