Gregory Sare Landolt (gregoid) wrote,
Gregory Sare Landolt

  • Mood:

sleep, mania, and anxiety

I'm having trouble sleeping. For the past week, my sleep habits have been wicked crazy! Ah! The word 'wicked' has become part of my everyday vocabulary. I looked at that sentence 3 times before I typed it, wondering if I should use another descriptive word in its place, but wicked fit. But I digress.

I started out just sleeping through the afternoon (like a very long nap) and then my pattern of sleep evolved into staying up nights and sleeping thought the day. Since there wasn't a lot to do at night, I began reading and reading and reading. I tried taking sleeping pills, but after about 3-4 hours of sleep, I'd wake up and be fidgety. More reading.

I did better tonight. I went to bed at 11 o'clock and woke up at 4:00 AM. Let's see if I can make it through the day today without sleeping. I didn't sleep a lot last night, but I did sleep at the right time. I finished the book on Sunday, so I'm going to try to keep myself busy doing something else.

My mind is racing right now and many activities or tasks are running through my head at the same time that need attention. It's like a crowed room where everybody is talking to me at once.

I know what is happening, clinically-wise that is. It's mania and anxiety. I can handle the mania part by itself. That allows my mind to race, but I'm able to achieve things. When the anxiety is added to the mix, things become hard to concentrate on and it takes my brain a few seconds to grab the piece flying by that I need at the time. It is like my actions become stuttered. Even typing this right now I find myself pausing for a few seconds after every few words to gather what I need to type next.

Oh, I want to say now that this is not something that anybody needs to worry about. It happens more times than I can count and it really doesn't interfere with my life or work. It just slows me down. I just thought it was a good opportunity to put it down in my journal as it was happening.

Already the whirlwind is slowing down and my focus is returning. It amazes me more than anything else how the body and mind works.

There. The anxiety is now gone and the mania is returning to a "normal" level. Fun stuff! :D That whole episode took about 45 minutes from start to finish. I'm what is referred to as an ultra rapid cycler. And since my manic episodes are only hypo-manic, I don't experience full blown manic episodes where I might run through the streets naked or anything like that. I do have to watch the debit card though. I have a tendency to get a little crazy buying things that I really don't need or can do without.

Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, sleep. My eyes are getting a little droopy right now, so I think I'll take advantage of that and fill in the rest of my sleep while my normal sleep window is still here.
Tags: bi-polar (manic-depression), mood

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