I have my own apartment where I am (in Maine). I have all of my stuff. I'm not staying in a room that used to be the playroom where toys are still present and the kids come in to play with them while I'm awake and even sometimes when I'm not awake. As much as I like kids, I CAN'T be the full-time babysitter.
Last night I tried to talk to a couple of people about what I'm feeling, but since it was Saturday, everybody was busy and/or not listening to what I was saying.
Yes my back hurts, but that it not the problem that I have. The pain killers are doing their job and my back feels like a "normal" back pull now, which I can manage with things quite nicely. All except sitting in this uncomfortable computer chair for more than 15 minutes at a time. But that has always been the case.
Pros and Cons about staying/moving
Moving to California - Pros
+ Close to family and friends
+ Laundry room in the house
+ Close to stores
+ Fairly constant weather
Moving to California - Cons
- No closet for hanging clothes
- Babysitting all the time
- Very Hot weather in the summer
- Must rent storage unit to keep my stuff
- No privacy
- Must give up good established doctors and therapists and hope that it won't take too long to find new ones in California
- Stressful environment just living day to day
- Traffic and not just on the highways and freeways
Staying in Maine - Pros
+ Have an apartment, all to myself
+ The apartment is completely furnished
+ 5 storage closets and 3 bookcases
+ Great health-care with established history
+ Beautiful scenery and landscapes
+ No traffic
+ NO STRESS
Staying in Maine - Cons
- Many months of snow
- Salted roads are murder on truck parts
- Bugs, bugs, and more bugs
- Coin Laundry
There are more things that could be added to each list, but those are the ones that popped into my head right now.
I let everyone talk me into making this move back to California, but it is never what I really wanted to do. Last night I was so extremely stressed out that I walked 2 miles to a restaurant bar and had two drinks as well as some food. Of course the drinks didn't help my thinking at all, but took some of the edge off of the stress that has been building.
The worst part of doing that last night is that I can't have alcohol while taking my medication, but I needed something. And I craved the drinks. That is something that I have never done.
I know that my family wants me to be closer to them, but I don't see this as a healthy move for me.
It looks like I've just made up my mind. I will cancel the U-haul reservation, and I will give my sister $190.00 for the plane ticket that she bought to fly out to Maine with me and help me pack and move.