November 8th, 2006

WebCam Greg

Smoke Alarm Works

I was cooking potato wedges for dinner. I had turned the heat all the way up to boil some water in the pan to soften the potatoes up before I got them crispy. Well when the water came to a boil, I thought the potatoes needed a little more water. I added more water to the pan and replaced the pan on the burner, not paying attention to the temp. I set the timer, which would have been good for simmer, and went back on the computer.

I lost all track of time until the timer went off. I went in the kitchen and lifted the lid to the pan and smoke came billowing up. That's when I realized what I had done. Then the smoke detector starts blaring. I'm standing in the kitchen with a pan of burnt potatoes wondering what I should do. I drop the pan into the sink and run into the hallway waving my hands and arms at the smoke detector trying to get it to shut up. After 10 seconds of waving, it went silent. At which point, I thought, "I wonder if the neighbors are wondering what just happened."

I go back into the kitchen and smoke is still coming out of the pan. I write off the potatoes as a total loss at this point and turn on the water to flood the smoking spuds. While they are being flooded, I turn on the fan over the stove to remove as much of the smoke as I can and go back into the hallway and resume my fanning of the smoke detector with a notebook, just in case.

Well, the kitchen is now all cleaned up, the potatoes are in the trash, and the neighbors didn't hear a thing.

I think tonight is going to end up being a TV dinner night.
  • Current Mood: embarrassed embarrassed
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Cartoon Greg

Turner Brown

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?"

In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around!"
  • Current Mood: amused amused
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WebCam Greg

Two old ladies

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
  • Current Mood: amused amused
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