October 8th, 2002

WebCam Greg

Help Mode

Last night, I was having trouble sleeping and spent most of the time online. I was still feeling empty because of Cosmo and was just keeping busy to get my mind on something else. I noticed princeargon come online and I IM'd him. After a couple of minutes chatting with him, I switched into help mode and all my thoughts and feelings of emptiness went away. This happens all the time, so I don't know why I get surprised when it happens.

After our chat I was able to go back to bed and I slept for 8 hours straight. I woke up feeling rested and relaxed. I was still lying in bed when my sister came by with my nephew and two nieces. I got up and dressed and chatted for a few minutes. Kira, the newborn, was fussing and I picked her up and rested her on my chest and shoulder. She quickly fell asleep while I was rubbing her back. Time seemed to be frozen and I didn't have a care in the world. I was happy and content as was Kira. When it was time for them to leave, I carried Kira down to the car and handed her over to her mom.

Now I'm sitting here with the same content feeling and I'm glad all of the bad feelings of the last two days have moved on to wherever they go.

When I do think of Cos, only the good and happy memories are here. I'm glad I was able to meet him and have him become part of my life experience. We all have some type of effect on those that we come in contact with, some more than others. To try and pull out the interaction of one person that came in contact with your life is like trying to pull a string from a sweater or blanket. It just starts unraveling and falls apart. Our lives become intertwined with each other and it's that weaving that keeps us together, whole, and strong. As with most fabric, it can become soiled or stained, but even if you can't wash it out, ripping out the parts you don't like will only weaken the fabric. The same is true with people. If we try to ignore and deny the bad or tainted events in our life, we too become weakened.

I have allowed myself to deny a part of my life for 10 years. The news of Cos, just brought that denial back to the surface for a closer inspection. I found out that my father is not in a crematorium (I don't think this is the right term) with a marker like I thought. His ashes were scattered. I will make a trip to Santa Barbara in November. I will visit the park that overlooks the city. My dad used to take us kids there a lot when we would visit him once a month. I have only taken close friends, girlfriends, and boyfriends there. It's a special place to me. It holds great memories and it would be a fitting place to read my letter to my Dad. It's high enough that I feel closer to heaven, yet I'm still able to overlook Santa Barbara as well and remember all the time I have spent with him there.

I have finally come to terms with his death. But as long as I hold him in my heart, he will be with me until I can see him again. I Love you Dad.
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WebCam Greg

A Close Shave

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, the man mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.
After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
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WebCam Greg


In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the minister. The minister asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and the Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done just give her 10 Hail Mary's and I'll be right back."

Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected the Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession. "Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable. I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex."

Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation. Surely 10 Hail Mary's would not do. So, in a moment of desperation the janitor peered his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, "Son, what does the minister give for oral sex?"

In reply the altar boy said, "Two Snickers bars and a Coke."
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