October 7th, 2002

WebCam Greg

Lost and Found

WOW! I just heard from a friend I used to hang out with in school. We were very good friends from the 5th grade on. He found me from Classmates.com. He called me today and we had a nice talk. I was laughing and giggling so much that my cheek bones hurt afterwards. We only talked for 15 minutes, but I think that the friendship has been rekindled. I didn't know how to tell him that I was gay, so I kept dropping subtle hints that became increasingly bolder. I finally mentioned the boyfriend word and he didn't flinch. So I proceeded to come right out and say that I haven't found Mr. Right yet. To which he replied, "Do you know where to find Mr. Right? In Phoenix." Well that was pretty clear that he heard me and didn't have a problem with it. He then mentioned that he and his partner have been together for 8 years. He's gay! Cool! I have often thought about him and wondered how he was doing.

If you can't tell by now, I'm bouncing, I'm so happy. There aren't too many people from high school that I have wanted to keep in touch with , but D is one of the ones I did, but couldn't locate.

I lost one friend, but found another. I don't know if there is some significance there or not. I don't even plan on analyzing that. Sadness and Joy, the story of my life. My emotions are like a yo-yo as is most every aspect of my life. I never seem to be able to do anything the easy way. I always seem to be the exception to the rule. I'm not complaining about having to do things the hard way, quite the contrary. I am usually remembered and end up making everybody laugh because I don't fit into the norm. I love being unique. It makes me feel special.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring?
  • Current Mood
    bouncy bouncy

The Good and The Bad

I'm bouncing like a rubber ball and not in a good way either. There have been so many good things that have happened today that had me jumping for joy: princeargon being back on LJ, D calling me on my cell phone, chatting with an online buddy on the phone, weighing myself and realizing that I have lost 40 pounds so far, and buying two new shirts. Even with all those good things happening today, the death of Cosmo keeps coming back hitting me like a ton a bricks.

Damn! Damn! Damn! This Sux!

Why can't I just hold on to the happy memories of him and let the other crap go. I still see him falling out of that crane. I wasn't even there! That didn't seem to stop my mind from creating that scene which endlessly plays over and over in my head. I can hear his laughter as if he were in the same room. I can hear his voice clear as a bell. I can clearly see his face in my mind. Yet, those memories fade for a bit and are replaced by a non-real , self-created video that tortures my soul and tears at my heart.

I want to be happy. I want to remember the good things about Cos. I don't want to see these bad images anymore. I just want them to STOP!!!
  • Current Mood
    aggravated aggravated