August 25th, 2002

WebCam Greg

I think I've figured it out!

It just dawned on me what could be causing my erratic mood swings for the last two weeks. I have been on the Slim Fast diet for two months now. Since I started dieting, drinking a lot more water, and exercising, I have lost 26 pounds. I think that the change in my diet has been contributing to the mood swings.

Now that I'm pretty sure what is causing the mood swings, I can deal with it. If it gets to a point where there is even the slightest interference with my studies or class work, I'm halting the diet. I'd like to hang on until December. I should hit my target weight then. But my health and studies are top priority.
WebCam Greg

Feeling the need to explain

I feel the need to explain what happened yesterday. Now that I have a clear head, most of what I was feeling yesterday seems so silly and trivial, but it didn't feel like that then.

A little back-story - (I was able to recover my deleted entry from an email notification, informing me that I had received a comment.) About every six months to a year, I get antsy [understatement]. I get the overwhelming urge to completely change my life around. I mean completely! It starts out as an obsession to just get in my truck and drive...and keep driving until either I run out of money for gas, or return to my senses. After the need to run, I start distancing myself from family and friends and gradually come to the point of severing all ties. By reaching this stage I've more than likely disrupted every aspect of my life, including work, school, and home, not to mention my health. I make many excuses to myself to justify my actions, and after a while I begin to believe the lies.

So, with the thoughts of past stupidity running in my head, I panicked when I started to feel this obsession again. I struggled with the obsession this week and last week and was able to keep myself from leaving the state like I have done so many times before. When I noticed I started distancing myself from family and friends, I became worried and frightened. Instead of rationalizing it all out, I blew it all out of proportion and freaked! I had such a panic attack that I became cold and clammy and almost past out. That's when I wrote my LJ entry asking for encouragement and support.

After receiving the comment from Kyle (kylewallace), saying I should speak with my Doctor, it kicked started my critical thinking and I was able to negate most of the thoughts racing around in my head. Kyle was able to plant the seed that started a chain reaction to correct my mixed up logic. I then got upset with myself for allowing this to get as far as it did. When I saw the words of my entry staring me in the face, I was so angry at my silliness, that I deleted the entry in haste, something that I regret doing now.

Once I started to process valid arguments, I returned to a calm state rather quickly, and my life was not destroyed in the process.

I want to say Thank You, to all my LJ friends. You gave me the kick in the butt (or was that the head) that I needed.

*Hugs to all*
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WebCam Greg

Couldn't handle going full time

The pressure was building up all week. I was able to do the work, but I noticed a steady drop off in my ability to keep everything under control. I thought I was ready to go full-time this semester, but I guess that will have to wait for a while. I was able to drop two classes, leaving me with two. That leaves me with 8 units and I will be able to handle the work load. Since I dropped my classes before the drop deadline, I will have no record of starting them. I feel like a major weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

So many things have happened all at once. I can tell I'm doing well because I didn't crawl into my bed and hide from the world. I fought instead and won. I may slip every once in a while, like last night, but I'm determined to keep standing.
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