Gregory Sare Landolt (gregoid) wrote,
Gregory Sare Landolt

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Open post to Rob

I want to first off say that I AM sorry for not coming out to see you when you arrived in California. I happened to have the bad luck of getting very sick and was unable to come to Santa Paula or Ventura to spend time with you and Pete. As it happened, I was feeling somewhat okay on the day that you called and suggested that you could come to Newhall instead. I almost told you no, but I knew that you were leaving soon and I agreed.

I digress.... There is tons of stuff that happens with me that I leave out of my MAIN journal. I try to put the day-to-day happenings in here, but I leave the health related entries for my other non-public journal. I don't feel that I need to constantly let the whole world know that I'm not feeling great most of the time.

I'm really not trying to make any excuses or anything like that. If you felt slighted during your visit or felt that I didn't give two hoots about you, I apologize.

As for not mentioning in my journal that you visited me that night... there was a reason for that, one that I won't say here now for the same reason I didn't say it then. All I can say at this time is that your visit fell on the wrong day to mention in my journal. God, I hate being secretive like this. What I can tell you is that it had nothing to do with you. I know that doesn't help and I'm sorry for that.

As for the gay thing, I truly thought that it was a possible reason for removing me from your friends list, considering past events. I'll leave it at that. I'm pretty sure you know what I'm getting at. I knew it wasn't for the fact that I'm gay. I know you don't have a problem with that at all.

It was all just poor timing, miscommunications, and plenty of confusion all around.

I don't hate you Rob. I wasn't ignoring you either. I truly was ill and spent most of the day sleeping on the couch for weeks (before, during, and after your visit). I don't like to complain in my journal ALL the time about being sick, but every once in a while I do make an entry. I'm sick way more than I write about here. Like I said earlier, I have another journal for that.

All I can keep saying is sorry. I truly didn't know that I caused you to get so upset.

I also have to be honest in saying that it will take a while before I will be able to try and re-build our relationship again any time soon. All this time I thought that you didn't want anything more to do with me and I spent the last 4 months trying to distance myself from you, so I wouldn't dwell on what the heck happened. This misunderstanding caused a lot more than I realized until I read your journal yesterday morning.

I'm not upset and don't harbor any ill feeling toward you.

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