It is supposed to cool down at night. I think I was able to get about 30 mins. of sleep so far. Having a loft is pretty neat, but it sure doesn't help that I'm 2 feet from the ceiling and the weather as hot as it is. My pillow and sheets are soaked and so am I. I kicked my blanket off and made sure it wasn't touching any part of my body. I feel like I'm back in Illinois or South Carolina.
I decided to get on the computer, so I could cool off a bit. At least the computer fan is blowing on me. I keep forgetting to get the big fan out of storage.
My earlier post about being a horrible person was in reference to the way I treated my last boyfriend, seven years ago. It was my fault for opening up the subject area, and once I did, old wounds were re-opened. It was only a natural response that Daniel was concerned that I might do the same thing to him. But the more we talked, the more those old wounds were opened farther, and I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face. I felt so badly and ashamed for what I had done. I felt as though my past was placing a strain on my relationship with Daniel, and I couldn't take anymore of reliving the past. I shut down the computer and went back to bed, where I cried myself to sleep.
When I woke up 3 hours later, I saw an image of one of the pictures that Daniel drew for me that made me not only smile, but chuckle proudly. There was no way that what I had done to Terry, would ever be done to Daniel. I got out of bed and turned on the computer and got back online. We talked it through and worked it all out. We agreed that we wouldn't discuss the past, unless we were in each others arms first. There is a lot of pain in my past and discussing most of it in chat, just doesn't work.
I then called him up on the phone and we talked. I love hearing his voice. He sounds so sweet and I just can't help getting giddy and expressing my love for him over and over again.
All's well again and the past is back where is belongs...in the past.