Gregory Sare Landolt (gregoid) wrote,
Gregory Sare Landolt

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Birthday Blues

Grrr - I just need to vent.

I have once again placed myself on trial as my birthday draws near. This time I didn't fare as well. I had set a goal to lose weight and hit 180 by my birthday. That didn't happen. Not only did it not happen, I didn't even come close. I was on target when Thanksgiving hit. I had gone from 250 down to 200, 50 pounds lost from the beginning of June to the end of November. Yay me! Then the Holidays hit and I gained 7 pounds, not too bad. I just weighed myself tonight and I'm 213. Shit! I've gained 6 more pounds. Now instead of being at 180, I'm at 213 and have 33 pounds to lose. Plus, I feel fat and that is worse than feeling disappointed.

Then to make matters even worse, I embarrassed lakeguy and myself by putting him on the spot to tell me what he thinks of how I look. Nick was very polite, but the truth couldn't be hidden. Not only did I feel ugly, but I also felt horrible for making him very uncomfortable in the process. There are just some questions that a friend shouldn't have to answer. He told me I wasn't ugly, but...

So now my vanity is eating me up inside. It's not that I wanted to look like a Greek god, but I wanted to accomplish more than I did. I don't really feel ugly, but I do feel fat. I need to sit down and chart out a new weight loss plan that begins a week from now. No use torturing myself for a week till my birthday.
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