Computer Gets Mad

An actual post!

It's been way too long since I last posted an entry. Let me see...what have I been doing?

My computer's hard drive crashed and took with it all of my up-to-date contact information with it. Which was a shame on me moment, because we actually have AND use a storage device connected to our home network. The last time my contact info was backed up was in 2007. Everything else on my computer was saved directly to the network storage when it was created or downloaded so it's all safe. I've been digging out old printouts that have any useable updated info on them and correcting outdated phone numbers and addresses. It is such a pain in the ass.

Since my computer is out of order for now, I decided to buy a tablet. It's something that I've wanted for a while now. I bought an iPad Pro. It's the first Apple product that I've purchased since my Apple IIe computer. I'm absolutely loving it!

The contact info that I'm restoring is going onto the iPad and the iCloud right now. At least there is a "backup." Up until this point, I have steered clear of cloud storage, but for now it seems to be a good idea for the iPad.

Oh, and I seem to be getting old according to my doctor. LOL. I know that came out of the blue, but it popped into my head. I told him that my shoulder hurt and he said that's because you're getting old. :) After an X-ray and ultrasound, he discovered that I didn't damage anything, but I do have tendentious.
Bug-Eyed at the Computer

I don't feel at home anymore.

I was lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling and it occurred to me that I don't feel at home here. I don't think I ever really have.

There are a lot of different reasons floating through my head, but I can't seem to pin down a specific one.

  • Feeling of isolation

  • Feeling of loneliness

  • Not wanting to personalize the walls

  • Not feeling pride in the place

  • Not having a feeling of belonging


Looking at this list shows a theme of depression. Maybe it's just depression that is making me feel like this is not a home, but we've lived here for many years. I can't see that depression has been the reason all this time. I guess it could be. Although I felt at home in the last place that we lived and I dealt with depression then.

I don't know. No answers seem to be forthcoming during this sleepless night.
  • Current Mood: awake awake
Bored

Sickness

I hate being sick. *cough, cough*

I get all whiny and irritable when I'm sick. I think I want everyone to be as miserable as I am. I do apologize for being such an ass when I'm all better, but I'm still an ass when I'm sick.
  • Current Mood: sick sick
Tags:
Sad

Having a tough time

Life just has a way of sucking sometimes and not in a good way. This week has just been a crappy week emotionally. I've had suicidal thoughts off and on for a few days now. The one thing One of the things that keeps me from doing anything stupid is my husband. Just thinking about him puts my thoughts into a better light and the harmful ideas fade away.

I normally don't write about this kind of stuff in my journal, but I needed to write it down so I can look at it again and see what's happening. Sometimes everything just gets all jumbled up in my head and I need to actually see it written down to be able to look at what's going on without a bunch of other stuff getting mixed up in there as well.

*Sigh...* Confusion is what I'm experiencing right now. A bunch of ideas are whirling around in my head and none of them seem to matter that much.

I just need to ride it out until everything smooths out again. Everything will work out. It always does.
  • Current Mood: depressed depressed
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Bored

Out of Steam

I ran out of steam at work today. When I came back from lunch, I was just drained. Luckily the rest of the day wasn't too busy. It was steady which kept the day moving quickly, but when we had a lull in the customers I just sort of leaned slumped against the paint shakers or the counter and talked to my co-workers. Even after dinner I found my eyes closing as I was surfing the web.

I went to bed around 9:00 pm, but I woke up around midnight. I'm still drained, which is a good thing. That means that I'll be able to get back to sleep after taking my little nap. I'm just wondering why I don't have any energy.

I don't feel sick except for some sinus pressure and I don't feel depressed. I guess I won't dwell too much about it.

I have the next two days off, so I can sleep-in tomorrow and try to re-charge my batteries and see if that helps.

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Dan (rogonandi) and I had a nice dinner tonight ( I guess it is technically yesterday since it's after midnight). We went to Pizza Hut and had a nice conversation while waiting for the pizza and wings to arrive. It's a nice change from the way things have become during our meals lately.

The day before, we went to Denny's and I forced a conversation. Dan wasn't having a good day and I had him talk to me. In the process of talking, I began asking him a lot of getting-to-know-you questions. I asked questions like, "If green was not available as a color, what would be your favorite color?" Weird stuff like that. It was actually pretty cool. We have gotten into a routine for the last couple of years and it was nice to act like we were dating again. It softened his mood after he asked me why I was asking him all these weird questions and I enjoyed getting to know my husband again.

I hope I've broken the not-paying-attention-to-each-other habit we have gotten into. It does make evenings with my husband much more enjoyable.

{{BIG HUGS, Sweetheart}}
  • Current Mood: drained drained
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WebCam Greg

Can't sleep

I've been up since 5:00 AM and haven't been able to get back to sleep.

Thank goodness for my Kindle. At least I've been able to read. I have started a new book series called Soul Mates Series. I started with book #4 in the series. I didn't know it was #4 when I started reading. But I loved it so much that I just finished downloading the rest of the series from Amazon to my Kindle. Now I'll begin with book #1 and work my way through the series.

[interruption...] Holly Cow! rogonandi was screaming, so I RAN down the hall to the bedroom to see what the matter was. He was woken out of a dead sleep with a massive leg cramp. He was still dazed as he held his leg out stiff as a board. I massaged his calf for quite a while and felt the muscle slowly relax under my touch. Just seeing his dazed expression through his just-woken-up face looked so cute. I couldn't help but feel so much love for this man I'm happy to call my husband.

Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, the book. It's about Vampires, Lycans, Demons, Angels, and gay romance. What's not to love? I have been hooked on gay romance books for a while now and ever since I happened to read a gay romance story dealing with werewolves, the genre has had a certain pull for me.

My thoughts are not as focused as they were when I started this post. I keep seeing rogonandi favoring his other leg as he walks around the apartment, clearly still in pain. I'll go see if I can't make his leg feel a bit better with some more massage work.
  • Current Mood: awake awake